I would be lying if I said it was easy being single or that I am always content in the season that I’m in. Oftentimes, I have felt as though people brush the desire for marriage under a rug and say that you shouldn’t even be concerned with it. Let’s be honest… those desires are real. And when you’re not idolizing them or allowing them to distract you, then they can be healthy desires.
This post is not for those who believe they have been called to a life of singleness – a beautiful and honorable calling. It is also not for those who really desire to be married, but have chosen to ignore that desire – whether its out of fear, pride, disbelief, or whatever else. This post, is for those ladies who truly desire to be in a God-honoring, committed marriage one day. This post is for the single women who are working on themselves, who are faithful to God, and who are expectant and believing that God’s best is coming… But you find yourself in a season where you are still “waiting” on God to answer your prayers and make His presentation.
Proverbs 3:5 tells us not to lean on our own understanding. My own understanding tells me that it’s taking too long. My insecurity tells me that God has forgotten about me. The enemy tells me that everyone else has their person, but me. And none of those things are true. God says to trust Him with all my heart. That leaves no room for doubting His promises or questioning His character. He never asked us to figure it all out. He just asked us to trust Him.
What you’re praying for may take time. Sometimes, others can be hard on us, and we can even be hard on ourselves. I am very thankful for my immediate family and the friends in my life that pray for me and encourage me, no matter what season I am in. But there are some people that can be judgmental or insensitive. I am not single because I “can’t find a man.” I am single because I have chosen not to settle, or to act outside of God’s will. I don’t want to be connected to anything that separates me from God’s peace.
Please, do not settle out of impatience, fear, loneliness or pressure. No matter your age or what society has to say about timing, if you believe that God has given you the desire to be married, then also believe that He will one day fulfill that desire. I have also realized that it is so important for me to consistently find my contentment and wholeness in God alone.
Understand that God isn’t keeping you from being in a relationship to be mean. He understands all of your needs and desires. However, there is purpose in this journey, which is why I can’t refer to this season as “waiting” on God. When He created us, He had sooo many detailed plans in mind. So many ways that He wants to use us to bless others and build His Kingdom. Marriage is not the end all be all, but just one of the amazing things He can bless us with. In the meantime, are you waiting or are you living?
Don’t wait until you’re in a relationship to live your life. This past year, I was daydreaming about some really awesome things I thought would be fun to do on a date with a significant other. And then I realized that if those things are what I really want to do, I don’t have to sit around and wait to do them. So I went to the baseball game, I went to the fancy restaurant I had been wanting to go to, I still got my nails and hair done and looked my best, I still went to that concert I had been dreaming about, I went on dinner dates and breakfast dates with friends, vacation with my family, and next month I’m going to Chattanooga.
That’s not to say that you have to do everything alone, but ENJOY LIFE! I spent time with those that God has strategically placed in my life right now. I served in my church and poured into other people. I led a small group this semester and I’ve been having a blast! This time has also allowed me to learn more about myself and grow so much closer to my Savior. Don’t allow your “waiting” to be stagnant, but purposeful. There are many things that God has placed on my heart, and I’ve been working on them lately.
Is the desire to be married still there? Absolutely. Do I sometimes get lonely, impatient and frustrated? Yes. But I don’t allow those temporary emotions to overtake me. I know that this season of singleness will one day end, and even when I am married one day, there will still be trials and tests that I must endure. I know that I can’t spend every season of my life, waiting for and anticipating the next season, when there is so much beauty in today. The people that are in your life right now, and even the opportunities in your life right now, will not always be there. So cherish these people and these moments that you have, and keep praying. Know that God has a plan for you and that He is not doing anything with the intention of hurting you or making you feel less than.
God is being very purposeful in this season (and every season). He is preparing you for what you have prayed for. If you are like me, and you haven’t prayed for a mediocre, average man or marriage, then ladies know that this takes time. I am also not just praying for a man, but I’m praying for myself; and not just that I’ll be ready for marriage, but that I will be ready for God. Everything in this life will pass away; it is so important to remain connected to our Savior. I had to ask myself, If God never gave me a husband, would I still love Him? If God never gives me a husband, is He still good? My answer is yes! God loves me too much and has done way too much for me to ever abandon Him for any reason.
Be expectant, have fun, and trust God. Most importantly, build your relationship with God and make sure that He is always first in your life and in your heart.
I pray that this blesses you, and I encourage you to check out my book, which is available on Amazon: